Trying to stay positive.

It's strange to think that I'm finally turning 21...

Everything that has occurred this year has made me believe that I'm far older than the number of years I've literally lived on this planet.

I find myself thinking to myself of what life might have turned out to be if a couple of actions never happened. If family didn't sweep the problems under the rug and hang on to every grudge until their very last breath, maybe there would be more laughter... perhaps a deeper love. If the truth really did set you free and blood was really thicker than water... than what? Maybe we would maintain the truth instead of hide behind the lies. However, I could play the what if game all day long, it still wouldn't change what has happened. Things just seem to pile on and pile on, but the good seems to bring me back.

Nowadays I am attempting not to take control of everything, I'm attempting to not stress out, and learn how to let go. It's harder some days rather than others, but it's worth a shot. I know if I continue on with the worries of the world, whether they're financial or personal, it can honestly kill me from the inside out.

One thing that blows my mind every time, is that whenever I feel like things are going okay and everybody is healthy, I'm instantly thrown a curve ball. For instance I found out a couple of  months ago that my Grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer. Than a couple of days ago my parent's had informed me that my Grandpa has less than 6 months to live. The family out in California is being extremely optimistic, but I can't help but worry. I know that worrying doesn't solve anything, but it's hard to stop your mind from thinking worse case scenario.

I love my Grandpa so much. For as long as I can remember, whenever I'd walk into his house and ask him how he'd be doing, without fail he would always quickly return with "I'm doing better than some, not as good as others." When I had first heard him say that I didn't quite understand what he was saying, because I was really little. I eventually caught on to his concept. He can't complain about his life and the loved ones in his life. Being truely content doesn't necessarily mean living comfortabley financially or having an extremely attractive partner in life. It means having the capability to enjoy the things in life even the small and seamingly meaningless things.

 

^^ Mikey...Grandpa...Me ^^