Friday, March 23, 2012

First night..

I woke up repeatedly Thursday morning to the nurses giving me a run down, mainly telling me what was going to occur before I was discharged. I didn't care how many times I was woken up as long as I was able to roll over and see that Trevor was right next to me through it all. I am so happy I was able to wake up next to Trevor this morning. My physical pain was nothing like it was a couple days prior, I was just a little more aware of my surroundings. When I was getting my stuff together to leave, the nurses had a little misunderstanding. They told me I had to make the arrangements for IPS to come pick up Zadkiel from the morgue. Once I got on the phone with IPS they were in shock and disgust that the nursing staff had me make the phone call. His name was Gerald, he said that they had all his information and they shouldn't have had the mother call this in. Once I heard this I broke down crying, I tried explaining to the nurses what Gerald had told me. They tried arguing with me, and my dad took them out of the room while Trevor tried calming me down and held me so tight. Once I relaxed a little, they sent the head nurse into the room and apologized. Her name was Kathy and she was really sweet, she took out my staples and had another nurse roll me out of the hospital. Trev ran ahead to grab the car while my dad stood by my side. It was hard leaving the hospital, I kept thinking about Zadkiel and how I was leaving him. Seeing all the children was starting to overwhelm me so I just shut my eyes until we were out of the lobby. Once out, the sun was shining so bright. There were hardly any clouds, and the clouds I had seen looked like angel wings. I felt a sense of peace once I had seen them, it was like God telling me He had received Zadkiel peacefully.

The drive home was quiet but relaxing, Trev's driving even got a little better. I have to admit, you never realize how good it feels being home until you've been somewhere totally different. I was gone for a week exactly, even down to the time! Angela (Trev's mom) was able to cook me up my favorite meal, Chicken Rolls, and my dad was able to stay a little longer before he sped back to California. Trev ran to the store to grab some beer and cigars for himself and dad, he strolled up to my dad and said, "This totally reminds me of when we first met, here have a cigar!" We three hung out on the front lawn in the sun and shared some laughs. They drank their beers while I drank my water, it was the first time I truly appreciated the sun for it's warmth. I think we enjoyed the sun a little to much though, because before we knew it, the sun was down and we were all sun burnt. We went inside and hung out with the family, and we played one of my favorite card games ever called Rummy.

After dinner dad said goodbye and started his long eleven hour drive. I went back inside and walked in my room, and was hit with an overwhelming scent of flowers. I looked up and saw three arrangements; the first was from my work, the second from my parents, and the third from my grandparents.

The cards that were attached all stated the same message, "We are sorry for you loss." It is hard to accept, but time will make things easier. I looked over and saw my bed I had been gone for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like. I took a deep breath, kissed Trev goodnight and slept. I had realized just being in my own environment overall was a huge comfort.

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